Eyes Up #7 – Don’t forget the “ME” in “TEAM”

ID-10026966There’s no “I” in TEAM – but if you look carefully you’ll find a “ME”…. a few years back, this phrase was often bandied about accompanied by smiles and chuckles – usually in reference to someone in authority who was using the guise of encouraging teamwork to further their own interests.  Jokes aside though, maintaining our individual identities in a team environment both in the workplace and at home is a key factor in finding balance and satisfaction in our lives.  If we lose track of ourselves, we quickly start to feel taken for granted, trampled on, and resentful of others in the “team”.

I’ve always found it difficult to maintain a sense of my own identity at home.  I’m not sure if this is historically due to the hang ups inherent in being a middle child, or just that I’ve always got so much satisfaction from getting things done that I get lost in over organising everyone else and forgetting to do anything for myself.  My experience is that working parents, particularly mothers and single parents, get into the habit of putting everyone else’s needs before their own.  The other team members – in this case in the family – get used to this state of affairs, so it perpetuates – often because it is assumed that the mother or parent enjoys doing things that way, or out of fear of doing something wrong.  As a control freak, I know I’ve often dealt harshly with anyone who messed with my system, purely because I wanted to get things done as efficiently as I knew how with no tolerance for variation.  Over the years I would have snapped at anyone who stacked the dishwasher wrong, folded the towels in a way they didn’t fit into the cupboard, or put the milk in the space the juice should be in the fridge.

At work, teamwork has long been held out as an important behaviour we should display.  Again we women in particular assume that our contributions to the team will be recognised, and we often feel resentful if others are recognised as individuals.  I’ve often felt like teamwork is used as a cover for more “take” and less “give” by some individuals – leading to me channelling a “victim” mentality, withdrawing  myself from the team,  picking up my toys and leaving the playground.

It was a stark situation of personal crisis that changed my view, and with it my perception of how to preserve the “me” in all parts of my life.  As I struggled to recover, I discovered that setting my own boundaries for my interactions with teams was critical.  The boundaries I set helped me foster a feeling of control, which made me more confident.  The boundaries are tested and re-set many times, but  despite initially feeling restrictive, they have made it easier to take decisions and chose when to say yes or no to things (see EyesUp #1 for more on saying No!).

These boundaries started simple – such as controlling communication channels – for example, please text me when you want to talk, and I’ll call you when I’m ready – giving me time to prepare my response.  I’m still using this one in the workplace – screening calls when I’m busy, and only checking my email once an hour instead of constantly.  Does this show a lack of commitment to the team if I prioritise my time this way?  Not when these actions improve my ability to operate efficiently and effectively by ensuring that when I respond, I give other team members my full attention.

Has this made me a more “selfish” person?  I believe it’s actually made me a better team member.  If I feel my life is in balance, and I am in control, I am more present when contributing to the team.  I’m not wasting energy on resentful feelings or self pity, or being distracted by other issues, I’m contributing the best I can at that point in time.

Teams can be greater than the sum of their parts, and one step towards this is to ensure each team member has preserved their own sense of “me”.


Eyes Up #6 – If life is getting too complex, keep it simple, and reach for the squeegee…

clorox-squeegee I’ve often pondered on how so many parts of our lives in 2014 have got so complicated.  As if the multiple demands on our time aren’t enough, thanks to the technology and scientific development made possible by clever humans in my lifetime, many simple items and products seem to have become downright over-engineered.  Our first instinct is to see this as the nature of progress – and in my case, I feel the need to constantly “keep up” with the latest and greatest just in case I get left behind or – even more scarily – miss out on something fabulous.  But of course I know that the people who make these products – let’s use razor blades, shampoo and dishwasher detergent as excellent examples – need to keep a constant stream of “improvements” coming along so we feel like the increased cost per item for the better product is justified by the superior outcome.

Dishwasher detergent is my favourite example.  When I was growing up we had a great dishwasher, his name was Dad.  We used green fairy liquid and the result, whilst sometimes time consuming, met all our needs.  Now I am fortunate in 2014 to have a shiny, German dishwasher  (machine not human!) – it is very simple to operate and totally reliable.  But in the past few years we have progressed from dishwasher powder, to tablets, to tablets with “powerballs” – in various colours – to the latest crowning glory, the dishwasher tablet which you don’t even need to unwrap.  Now the cost per wash of the top of the range tablet is more than double the basic powder – yet I always felt the need  to use it as it must be “better”.  That was until the day I forgot to put the tablet in.  My fancy dishwasher still got the dishes pretty much 90% clean.  So a test – revert to the cheaper powder – and surprise!!  The dishes are just as clean, I’ve saved 50% of the cost of the tablets ….. and I no longer get a soggy mess in the tablet drawer.

So I’ve done a lot of thinking about keeping things simple in all areas of my life, and doing more with less.  These principals make environmental and economic sense – and are the building blocks of Jugaad Innovation – which is all about frugal innovation.  This thinking can really change the way we view designing solutions to problems  – and not just at work.  And so, we get to the squeegee.

12 months ago I moved into a beautiful, almost brand new house – with fabulous bathrooms.  Of course these bathrooms featured frameless glass shower screens – but designed with no doors and just a drain in the floor.  Now these bathrooms function fine except of course for the amount of water flooding the floor when you step out of the shower – the water runs slowly to the drain but never quite seems to get there fast enough, soaks the bath mat and makes the floor slippery.  I have pondered may solutions – adding doors to the showers (expensive and messy), new drains (impractical), wooden bath mat (works OK but eventually gets pretty smelly and mouldy).  Then one day, brain wave.  I purchased a shower squeegee from the supermarket.  It cost me $5.  A simple 10 second wipe of the tiles after each shower leaves the floor dry enough to walk on.  Problem solved, with a high “feel good” factor.

I could recount many examples of where technology and scientific improvements have made my life better – but just as many where, by assuming the latest was “better”, I have made my life more complicated or more expensive.  I’m not an eco warrior, and I will continue to be a fan of new technology and scientific improvements where they’re useful to me, but simpler, more sustainable solutions are bound to be better for all of us and the planet in the long run.

Must be more opinions out there – Comment on the blog or on twitter @eyesup2014.

For more about Jugaad Innovation, visit http://www.jugaadinnovation.com

Eyes Up #5 – Help! I forgot my socks!

20140509-135943.jpg When I wrote a long list of possible blog topics, decision making featured heavily. So as a veteran of 4 previous posts now, and a select but illustrious following, I set out to communicate some of my thoughts on how good decisions are made. Trouble was, I couldn’t decide on an approach, and my drafts were rambling, disconnected garbage. But then, a sudden moment of clarity – I forgot my socks! Rushing to the gym at lunchtime, not feeling overly enthusiastic, I pulled open my bag to find singlet, shorts, shoes… But NO SOCKS! Sharp intake of breath, roll of the eyes, (silent) mild cursing…. Sure, the socks are not 100% essential to the workout – missing shorts for example cannot be overlooked – but training without socks means discomfort, smelly shoes and potentially blisters…… a decision had to be made. The choices were: 1. Great excuse to skip the workout – I’m not that keen anyway 2. Buy new socks 3. Wear shoes without socks At this point my rational brain took over… Here was the analysis: 1. I need a workout badly due to excessive chocolate and wine intake and to relieve a frustrating morning 2. I have lots of socks at home, buying more would be wasteful 3. My shoes are comfy, only worn by me, and the workout is weight training not a 10k run Result? Decision taken to go ahead without the socks, I returned a tired and much happier human with the added glow of having triumphed in such adverse circumstances. This trivial example contains for me all the elements of good decision making. I had a problem and analysed the choices rationally. But most importantly, once the facts were laid out – in particular the comfy shoes I had that day – I was able to follow my intuition which was screaming “you NEED to exercise today, NO excuses!!”. So trust the facts as you perceive them, follow your heart, and even if it doesn’t work out quite as planned – I could still have got a blister you know – you’ll know you’ve set yourself up to take the best possible decision. I’d love to hear any other decision making pointers you have as I’m sure I’m going to revisit this topic! @eyesup2014

Eyes Up #4 – Believing you’re a success when you’re not the best


Our tendency in life is to measure ourselves against those we see as being the “best” – those who are number 1, those getting attention for their achievements from others either publicly or in our own circles at home and work.  Us women in particular are our own harshest critics, rarely prepared to look objectively at ourselves and constantly comparing all aspects of our lives with others, often with a very negative slant.  Our cultural upbringing seems to deem it inappropriate to play down our achievements and skills – we don’t want to be seen to blow our own trumpets, and talking about things we know we’re good at seems boastful.


This goes beyond basic self confidence to not only how we measure ourselves but whether we truly believe we have been successful. I was involved in elite sport from the age of 18, playing in an U21 national side and then in the senior reserve side for several years.  I trained hard, played hard, and harboured longstanding ambitions to run on just once for the senior national side – something I never achieved.  In my mind, I’ve always seen this as a failure as my final goal was never reached – and since moving countries where no one knows my background, it is something I rarely mention or discuss.


It wasn’t until my family mentioned proudly to my kids that I had represented my country, that I saw things in a different light.  My focus had been on achieving the elusive goal of getting a spot, just once, in that national team.  It was a great stretch goal, but not achieving it didn’t mean my sporting career was not a success.  I played at that level for over 5 years, whilst working as a graduate in an investment bank and completing my accounting qualification.  I trained late in the often frosty evenings, practicing skills, fitness, strength training, battled a run of injuries – I always felt I could have done more, but not many of my work contemporaries were running 800m reps at 9pm in the middle of winter!  On the flip side – very few of my fellow athletes were in such demanding jobs – they were students, trainee teachers with ample vacations and more flexible hours.  And the most important factor was, I was not the best player, the most talented, the fastest or the strongest.  I was very good – but not quite good enough for that number 1 team.


So what have I learnt?  My sporting career was a success, just not against the harsh benchmark I set myself.  I learnt a lot about practice, hard work, juggling priorities, and working in a team.  But my biggest takeaway was that I have the ability to be a leader.  My favourite memories from those days are from my university side, which I captained to the national championship.  We had no coach, so strategy, team selection, game day tactics and motivation were all down to me.  We came back from a several goal half time deficit to win the Grand Final in extra time – as well as scoring 3 crucial goals myself, I truly felt like I had personally turned the team around.


I’ve found myself dipping back into the feelings generated by that day many times – savouring what success felt like, but also recalling the tougher side to leadership, taking risks on selecting the team, having hard conversations with those who didn’t make it into the line up, and how vulnerable I felt trying to motivate the team when we were in a losing position– followed by how sweet it was when we were, for one moment, truly number 1 – undeniably successful in our small corner of the world.


This experience has served me well over the years, and influenced me greatly in my actions when managing teams and making decisions.  I’m still not the best, whatever that looks like – but I can continue to be successful if I build on my strengths and experience going forward.

I’d love to hear comments and feedback on the definition of success!  Comment on the blog or on twitter @eyesup2014.

Eyes Up #3 – Life is like a box of chocolates…..



If you’ve seen the movie Forrest Gump, you’ll smile as you remember the line “My Momma always said, Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

As a control freak, my advice would be “look at the inside of the lid Forrest, you’ll see exactly what you’re getting, no surprises”.  My rational side says don’t take the risk, do your research, consider your choice, look for your favourite first, and so on.

But this approach, whilst “safe”, misses the mark – unless you have a serious food allergy, ANY chocolate is a fabulous treat – and there is the chance you may be surprised by trying something new and finding you really love it.

At some time in our lives, it seems most of us stop taking risks and stick to what we know and are comfortable with.  Of course, I’ve encouraged my kids to “try things” when I’ve considered it appropriate – try this fish, or a different vegetable, a new sport or a new musical instrument; their privileged upbringing allows them many opportunities.  It’s easy to discuss how stepping outside our comfort zone – just a little – has benefits at home and work.  But what happens when life serves up things we didn’t plan for and can’t control?  Serious illness, accidents, redundancies, relationship breakdowns, financial problems.  These things have not been packaged up and delivered with a bow from Cadbury online; they happen to ordinary people we all know each and every day, often out of the blue.

This is the point where I think Momma Gump has it right.  Life is unpredictable; you can plan and try to control what you can, but as Forrest’s story shows, eventually amazing things can happen as a result of even tragic events.  In my case, the movie wasn’t enough – when crisis hit me hard I needed several well qualified medical practitioners, some medication and some very good friends to get my mind to realise the glass is ALWAYS half full.  But once that realisation really hit home, it has become incredibly powerful in all areas of my life.

Growing up in England I was hardly a water baby – once living in Sydney, I was at best suspicious of the surf – by no means comfortable in the water.  But my newly liberated, post medicated self was persuaded a few years ago to take up the challenge to try surfing.  Totally ridiculous you might think – but that first day getting pounded in the white water unleashed a previously hidden surf chick, and struggling bruised (and bleeding!) from the shallows that first day I had unexpectedly found a new passion.

If you’d told me even 5 years ago what my life would look like today, I would have chuckled politely, rolled my eyes and shown you to the door.  Sure, I’ve been to some dark places, and challenges exist very day – but life is surprising, delightful and full of unexpected joy – largely because I no longer look at the inside of the chocolate box lid, I keep my eyes up and just dive on in.

Eyes Up #2 – Why I must learn to network like a man


As we move to increase the representation of women in senior management and on boards, deep and supportive networks are held out as being one of the keys to long term success. Networks provide ongoing mentors, sponsors and above all opportunities if we’re well positioned. But recently I was left wondering why I find it so unnatural to network like a man.

I attended a panel discussion held at work on the topic of workplace flexibility in professional services.  The panel comprised female senior and managing partners in large law firms and consulting practices, and it was surprising to find that I already knew 2 of the panelists and another attendee from an external firm – because our sons have all played in the same cricket team at school.  Whilst it was lovely to say hello and chat, it felt very unusual and slightly uncomfortable to see these people out of their usual context, discussing topics which we wouldn’t usually touch on.  I came to the conclusion that my natural bias is to put my network into boxes – work, school, home, family, sports – because my subconscious dictates that it is inappropriate for these things to overlap in any way.

Thinking back, I recalled a school cocktail party for my eldest son’s year 1 class.  My then husband, himself in professional services, embarrassed me by discussing his firm’s abilities with the host, an accomplished investment banker – a conversation that ended with exchange of contact details and a promise to follow up.  But why was I embarrassed by this? Both parties were happy to chat briefly about how they might do business together – indeed the host took me aside later to mention how impressed he was with the approach – and the subsequent follow up resulted in new business being transacted.  But to my subconscious, such approaches should only be made in a business context, and I was left feeling that such discussions were out of place in that social setting.

As working parents, we end up with networking opportunities that spread far and wide – workplaces, clients, suppliers, family, friends, neighbours, school/childcare, sporting teams, the list goes on…. but as women, it feels like we naturally divide these groups up into neat segments of our lives.  On closer consideration, I think I’ve used this as an unconscious coping mechanism to keep my mind focused on the task at hand – when I’m on the cricket sidelines I should be watching my son and only making casual chit chat with everyone else, I would need explicit permission to discuss anything even vaguely related to work or career.

There is only one conclusion – massive opportunities exist to expand my network into more meaningful areas – as most men would do naturally.   All that is required is to have the courage to strike up conversations on topics other than our kids’ teachers, the weather, our holiday plans or the latest renovation – and see what unfolds.

Starting this blog is part of my journey to invite discussion and feedback on these types of topics – so please follow my blog via this site or Twitter @eyesup2014 – and get in on the conversation!

Eyes Up #1 – When is the right time to say NO?

no-68481_1920Why the blog I hear you ask? I’m a 40 something working parent with things to share. But this is not about my story – although I’m sure bits of my personal journey will come out along the way – this blog is here because the world is a place where how people relate to each other matters, and by sharing thoughts, ideas and feedback, even in this fast food format, we can be better equipped to make choices in life we are comfortable with, whatever they may be. So don’t spend your time looking down and pondering your toes, keep your Eyes Up and look around you – sometimes you’ll see things that will challenge, surprise, inspire and delight you!

I’d like to start my first entry with a Bible Quote from Ecclesiastes:
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, … a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance….” and so on – to which I would add, there is a time to say NO. The ability to say NO to things in our working life has long been touted as a required skill for time management, but being a glass half full type of person, saying NO has always seemed to summon up overly negative vibes for me. So is it possible to say NO in a positive way?

Saying NO to things can make you feel in control and get people’s attention fast – but in my experience it can also lead to people avoiding or going around you, as well as seeing you in a negative light – which in a work and home environment can lead to frustration and resentment for all involved. Hence we tend to lean towards bargaining rather than the outright NO, for example – I’ll handle that query for you if you ensure my document is approved, or you can have ice cream for dessert if you eat all your vegetables.

But saying NO to things can yield surprising results – for me, saying NO to driving my car to work every day not only produced cost savings but gave me time to tune out and rest on the way to and from work; my kids learnt more independence in travelling by bus and working out their own way home from various places.

Why is this type of NO a win? Used in this way, NO is not a time management tool – and I’m a big advocate of positive time management – but in this case, saying NO was a valid choice. The choice had pros and cons, was well considered, and still contained flexibility – if I chose to, I CAN still drive my car to work – for example when one of my kids needs to be somewhere before the bus can reasonably get him there, or when I need to be home at a very specific time.

So I consider saying NO not as a power play, but as a valid, positive, choice when exercised at the right moment.

I’d love to hear your views on using NO – and get comments and feedback on Eyes Up – so post or get in touch!