Diversity

Eyes Up 2020 – Bed sheets don’t have to be white

A few weeks ago, having spent 4 months working from my bedroom, I decided on a whim to give my bedlinen a makeover. It hadn’t featured in my video conferencing background, but spending every day staring at it on top of some cancelled travel plans left me yearning for something different.

Passing the window of a homewares store, my eyes lit up as I saw the perfect ensemble. I rushed inside (ok, pausing to hand sanitise on the way) – but quelle horreur – on closer examination, the combination in question featured CHARCOAL coloured sheets. I left in dismay…. we all know sheets should be WHITE. Crisp, beautiful, snowy, pristine WHITE. Hotels know this. Hospitals know this. I know this. How could I possibly get a sound night’s sleep on anything else?

My cancelled travel plans were important to me because this month marks 10 years since the most confronting day of my life. I wanted to pause and reflect on how much life can change in a decade. In the immediate aftermath of that particular day, I had to comprehend things, explain things and act in ways I never thought possible. Everything got flipped upside down. Uncertainty became normal. I had no control over the direction things were heading. I felt lost, helpless, lonely and ultimately I became anxious, depressed and just felt constantly dark. Outwardly I kept moving, inside I was slowly shrivelling up and disappearing into irrelevance.

Thankfully over the following months I had the support of good friends and professional help, so drawing on my reserves of resilience, I began to live life again, building up my confidence. Many of my fears and anxiety about my new world started to dissipate. I tried new things out of my comfort zone, like surfing, and discovered the joy of early mornings at the beach. I became a dog parent, experiencing unconditional canine love. I found that whilst entering new social circles is uncomfortable, occasionally you meet new people who just get you straight away – you’ve been circling the sun on a slightly different orbit for years, and then events suddenly put you on the same path.

There is no doubt that 2020 has been a year like no other. A global pandemic has wreaked havoc on all areas of our lives in ways no one foresaw. Constant news updates adding to the stress and anxiety we are all feeling; our freedom restricted in ways our society is not used to. Against the backdrop of all our usual variables at home and work, the under tow of change is so strong it threatens to pull us under. But out of this, I do feel the strength of human evolution, ingenuity and connection daring to drag us up and keep us afloat. Even in our privileged position in Australia, we have adapted in ways we didn’t think possible 6 months ago. Life seems slightly more precious, and we are taking a lot less for granted.

A trip to the homewares store is a privilege not available to all right now, with or without face masks. And it was the perfect time to challenge my own beliefs and try something out of my comfort zone. I turned on my heel, returned to the store and made the salesperson’s day by purchasing the entire set of bed linen. It looks spectacular. And I slept superbly.

Even in the midst of the weirdness that is 2020, it pays to keep your mind open and your Eyes Up.

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Eyes Up #12 – For things to change, first I must change

broccoli

Recent discussion on the numbers of women in leadership has returned to the idea of quotas – including this article:

Quotas will put women of merit in top jobs

I have often pondered why quotas are seen to be evil.  Collectively, I think we believe that we are better than that given we all understand that women are equally as talented and educated as men in Australia today.  Indeed several senior executives I have spoken too would acknowledge that women are frequently more competent and knowledgeable than men at the comparable level in their chosen fields.

My view is that we all like to believe change can happen organically as part of a natural progression, once we all recognise and acknowledge the obvious benefits.  I don’t wish to feel constrained or dictated to by artificial quotas, targets or policies – I want the freedom to run my teams and businesses in the way I think is best – right person, right role, regardless of their gender, culture or lifestyle choices.  So quotas – which are more carrot than stick – are in my view a motivation that can work.  Much as I will tell my children they must eat 2 bites of broccoli before they have dessert.  But the “broccoli quota” doesn’t actually make them like or appreciate broccoli, they just grit their teeth and get through it, or worse hide the green stuff in their pockets, with the ice cream at the end the reward.

I think any public discussion of these topics helps, but I draw the most inspiration where we seek to put responsibility for change in the hands of the individual.  Recent references include Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant’s article:

Speaking While Female

So I ask myself – what actions am I taking to be a catalyst for change?  For a start I’m writing this blog, which is part of my commitment in 2014 to facilitate open discussion on the issue of women in leadership.  I believe real, sustainable change will only happen when we all recognise the need for personal, individual responsibility, including calling out inappropriate behaviour when we see it.  I am a fan of the sometimes controversial Male Champions of Change initiative, because it is leveraging the status of the current male dominated ranks of CEOs in corporate Australia to model behaviour and act as catalysts to initiate change – but as individuals taking responsibility upon themselves.  So I will continue this year to create talking points wherever possible and progress my own career.

But I also recommend we keep an eye on the future and question the way we present ourselves to future generations.  We all have the ability to act as role models day in, day out to not only our own kids but others we interact with, in both the ways we act and the things we say.

I was very proud of my teenage son when he announced last year he didn’t want me to buy Tim Tams anymore because he knew eating 2 packs a week was not healthy for him.  He had taken responsibility for change himself.  I was equally proud when he noted with horror that he had just realised how many mothers of his school mates didn’t work – but told me he thought it perfectly normal that I did.  In fact he thought it was better for everyone!  That moment melted away a decade of working parent guilt.

We should never underestimate the power of the individual – and neither should we abdicate responsibility for change to a system of quotas, targets or endorsement by senior leaders.  We should all just walk the talk ourselves in whatever way we can, and remember that doing nothing is akin to endorsing the status quo.

 

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Eyes Up @ Darden #4 – Other people’s shoes can be uncomfortable

.shoes

We all expect to cover topics such as political correctness, negotiation, influencing and coaching on a leadership program.  What I didn’t expect was that my biggest learning from this final part to the Women’s Leadership Program was that sometimes – no matter how uncomfortable – we need to learn to stand in other people’s shoes before we can even begin to lead effectively.

Yesterday we considered political correctness, led by the charismatic Dr Martin Davidson (www.leveragingdifference.com).  I’ve loved all the presenters this week, but Professor Davidson was definitely my favourite – for his energising effect on the class, his obvious intellect and above all good humour.  The concept of the different layers or dimensions to diversity was new to me and has changed my thinking – whilst I am a woman, and therefore less dominant in some situations such as the boardroom of a financial institution, I am also a white anglo saxon – which in different circumstances of cultural mix,  has the potential to make me more dominant.  If we perceive discrimination against us on the basis of one dimension, we need to question ourselves carefully about what the other party is thinking, seeing and feeling before we label that behaviour .   In most cases, especially with working mothers, there are other issues at play that have nothing to do with being female and everything to do with parenting and work/life balance.  I can’t fully express here how much impact this session had, maybe after I’ve read Prof. Davidson’s book I can be more enlightening…so watch this space.

We had heaps of fun practicing negotiation skills, which provided some very useful tips for the next shoe or handbag sale I attend as well as for the workplace!  Then we moved to the auditorium to practise our leadership presence on the stage – using some very liberating voice and body exercises.  The point to this was firstly, to relax, and secondly, to gain more understanding of the mix of visual and vocal tools we can use to more fully engage an audience of any size and better convey our message.  Again this has left me wanting to study more in this area as I am starting to believe it’s something I can become really good at if I practice.

On the final morning, we got to deliver our own response to the question “How’s Business?” – to leverage these leadership presence tips in a 2 minute soundbite of our choice.  At the last minute I decided to correct something which has bothered me since the 24th June when I was awarded the Women in Banking an Finance (WiBF) Turkslegal Scholarship to come to Darden.  On that particular day, I had been told I would be named at the WiBF lunch where 500 people were waiting to hear from David Gonski, a well regarded Australian public figure.  On arrival, I was informed I would be presented with my award on stage, but would not be required to say anything – which I found quite a relief!  But of course, on receiving the award I was asked if I would like to say a few words – and promptly flushed, shook my head and exited the stage.  I’m sure there were a few people who admired my humility, but as I walked away all I could think of what what an idiot I had been to miss an opportunity to say something even slightly memorable in front of 500 well connected and important people.   I had failed to grab the mike when offered.  Unforgivable.

If I walked in the shoes of the audience that day, even though they were really waiting the hear from David Gonski, I would have felt disappointed that the award recipient didn’t even speak.  So today I re-enacted that moment properly.  OK, so there were only 12 people in the room – but the feedback was great.  I will  keep practicing.

As our final closing today we all chose to write a word on the blackboard (yes they still have those here!) saying what this week meant to us – as this is the last Eyes Up @ Darden,  I’ll leave you with some of them to ponder – and perhaps LuluLemon might like to re-do their bags with them!  I know I’ll keep coming back to these as reminders of this week – as I put myself in others’ shoes and see where my potential can take me.  Eyes Up will be back soon… stay tuned.

Pay it forward – practice – believe – recharged – authentic – mission focus – encouraged – energised – acceptance – blessed – inspired – courage – prepared – meaningful – change – eye opening – network – calm – unfinished – connections – chemistry – inspire

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